There’s nothing quite like a vacation—sunshine, lazy mornings, and endless cocktails. Getting away is always a welcome escape.
But what would you do if you planned a getaway with your partner, only to find out they couldn’t afford their share?
That’s the dilemma faced by Reddit user AudDMurphy, who turned to the internet to ask: Am I the a**hole for going on vacation without my girlfriend because she couldn’t pay her way?
In his post, the Reddit-user reveals he’s 39, soon to be 40, and his girlfriend is 33 years old.
According to him, the relationship was going well and the couple and begun talking about his milestone birthday.
He added that he has never ‘taken a vacation’ in his life. He’d extended work trips and traveled to see friends and family, but only for long weekends.
So, to celebrate his 40th birthday, he wanted to book a week-long vacation with his girlfriend.
He continues his post to say that, since his 20s, he’s worked hard to get his ‘finances in shape’ and has been able to put money aside to use for his big birthday trip.
But would he be in the wrong to go without his partner?
“My girlfriend is great,” he says. “She works hard and supports herself.
“I told her I’d be willing to cover our lodging and, depending on where we go, help her pay for airfare. Because we haven’t been dating long, I don’t feel comfortable paying her whole way and feel she should contribute financially to come along.”
Sounds fair enough, right?
Well, his girlfriend began expressing doubts that she could afford the parts of the vacation he expected her to pay for herself.
“She told me she couldn’t afford to split meals and airfare, even if we chose a relatively inexpensive destination,” he explained.
Still, he had been hoping for a getaway to the Caribbean, which would’ve cost just under $500.
“But she earns less than I do and, more importantly, is currently dealing with about $20,000 in credit card debt. It’s the result of a stretch of unexpected unemployment that drained her savings and forced her to rely on credit,” he said.
Because of this, his partner let him know she wouldn’t be able to contribute financially to the trip.
When he floated the idea of going on the trip solo for a week, tensions flared, and they ended up in an argument.
Unsure of what to do, he turned to friends, family, and ultimately Reddit for advice.
“My friends and family are divided,” he shared. “Some say I missed out on a lot in my previous relationship because my ex wouldn’t ‘let’ me do things I wanted, so I should go—whether or not she can join me.
“But others think it’s insensitive to plan a vacation in front of someone who’s trying to pay off significant debt.”
The question of whether or not user AudDMurphy is an a**hole has well and truly divided the internet.
One person, siding with him, says: “Her attitude is ‘If I can’t be part of the fun, he doesn’t get to have fun without me.’ Who does that? This is not someone who cares about you. RUN.”
Another adds: “Trying to change his 40th bday bucket list plans is so selfish.”
“She is showing that she would rather him not achieve one of his dreams than have a week’s vacation without her,” a third agrees.
While others voiced their support for the girlfriend.
One writes: ‘It might not be a black-and-white situation and it might be worth it to see if they can talk this out and get on the same page.”
“You are quite a few years older than your gf. You should not expect her to be in the same place,” someone else replies.
Another adds: “No one wants to be around for only the everyday mundane stuff and then swept aside/dropped when the fun stuff comes around.”
AudDMurphy was ultimately voted ‘Not An A**hole.’
